A very quick attempt at ActivelyDying’s prompt.
I singe my finger with the match to watch the flame glow and smell flesh burn. It takes me home. Back to the times when I held a gun and felt safe. When it was all black and white. The enemy was the enemy and we were the good guys.
The room is empty for the most part. I never really cared to get back to civilian life or the trappings of it. Dust hangs in the air and I pace.
Do you ever feel your mind creep back to the scenes you thought you were long past?
Mine does.
I hear the outside world. It sounds suspicious. They’re out there. Around every corner, they wait for me to let my guard down. But I won’t. The enemy is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Two realities battle in my mind until I cannot find which one is here and now.
I load my gun. Here and now may be right where I cannot afford to be unarmed. I need to be ready for that here and now.
Shots. A car door slamming. Which is it? Both or neither.
Do you know what it is like to get lost on your way to the bathroom?
I do.
I can feel the heat and smell the diesel. Burning flesh.
I’m at war. But I’m at home. It is a long way between to two and I make the trip more than I want to.
My gun is my only comfort and bluing has a taste. The war will be over. And I will end it.
